Showing Yourself Compassion on a Hard Day

We all have those days. You know, those days when everything feels broken even before you’ve had your coffee. You start off behind, your to-do list is longer than ever and you have no energy. Yeah, nowhere to be found. Maybe it’s the kids, maybe it’s work, maybe it’s life adding up but today is hard. And on such days, one of the most significant things to do — and yet the hardest to remember — is to treat ourselves with compassion.

But what does it mean to “show yourself compassion” anyway? It boils down to giving yourself the love, patience and forgiveness that you’d freely offer a loved one or dear friend. It’s about understanding that you’re human and humans are imperfect. And, spoiler alert: that’s okay.

The On-the-Clock Pressure

Let’s face it. In a world that often glorifies hustle and perfection (many of its iterations heavily edited or passed through filters, literal and otherwise), we see mostly bright sides. Social media has a way of making it appear as though everyone else has their life sorted. You’re subjected to images of folks addressing issues with elegance, smiling amid chaos and appearing effortlessly productive. It’s tempting to want to be more like that, I can’t just be more like that?

The reality is that nobody has it all figured out. Behind every picturesque post or tale of triumph, are messy, exhausting days — those that will never make the highlight reel. On those days it’s best to remind ourselves we’re not machines created to produce and perform nonstop. We come in waves — up and down.

On the tough days, you can find yourself really getting down on yourself because you’re not as productive, patient or resilient as you “should” be. You could begin to kick yourself internally as you berate your own perceived failure until you are justified that you should “do better” or, my favorite, “try harder.” But here’s the thing: you can’t pressure her into overcoming pressure. What helps is compassion.

What Does Showing Yourself Compassion Look Like?

Sure, we can say that we ought to extend ourselves compassion. But what does extending ourselves compassion actually look like in reality? Here are some concrete ways to be kind to yourself when the day feels heavier than normal:

1. Lower Your Expectations

We all have that internal list of what we should be getting done in a day. But on a tough day, it’s all right to reconsider that list. Is it reasonable to expect one to be 100% “on” when they’re feeling only 50% on? Not really. You don’t fail because you couldn’t possibly get through everything on your to-do list, you fail because you believe that. Try concentrating on what really counts and allowing yourself to let the other stuff slide. Getting through the day is sometimes all you can ask.

2. Treat Yourself Like a Friend

Now here comes your best friend, telling you they are completely overwhelmed and exhausted and in free fall. Would you tell them they are failing, or that they need to push through? Probably not. You’d write some words of encouragement, support, maybe tell them to take a walk. Now, consider extending that same kindness to yourself. You would give the same understanding to someone else you love.

3. Embrace Imperfection

Perfectionism is a difficult one to break, but it is often the very thing that gets in the way of compassion. The truth is, perfection is unattainable and in the pursuit of it we only set ourselves up for disappointment. On the hardest days, operate under the concept that done is better than perfect. Whether it’s that the house is a mess, your project crashed and burned before takeoff, or just one of those days where you didn’t feel like everything you should — imperfection is a reality of life.

4. Take a Break (Without Guilt)

Even if what you do is nothing, in certain situations resting can actually be the most productive thing to do on a hard day. This might seem like a 10-minute break to regroup, a brisk walk to clear your head or even just sitting quietly and taking a few deep breaths. If you’re a parent or just really busy, this can seem like such a luxury to have and even five minutes can enable you to recalibrate. And here’s the truth that is important — don’t feel guilty for needing a break. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you wise, attuned to the signals when your body and mind need to back off.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

On hard days, it’s the small victories that count. Perhaps you didn’t cross everything off your list, but did you show up? Did you try? Did you rise and keep going, even if it was as follows trudging through mud? That’s a win. Celebrate it. Those small acts of defiance, however small they may be, are what sustain us.

There’s a Reason Compassion Matters for Mental Health

Being kind to yourself is an important component of good mental health. When we continually beat ourselves up for not being good enough, we stir feelings of shame, inadequacy and aggravation. But when we learn to embrace ourselves, imperfections and all, we make room for healing, growth and peace.

Being kind to yourself also makes you more resilient. If you haven’t spent that day tearing yourself down, it’s easier to bounce back from a tough one. Compassion doesn’t mean shirking responsibility or not trying to be better — it means acknowledging that some days will feel heavier than others, and that’s O.K.

Final Musings

As much as we need to be realistic, though, there are days where a tough 24 hours can represent more than just that — it can feel like part of a challenging season in our life. Whether it’s the struggles of early parenthood, coping with mental health woes or dealing with loss, being kind to yourself in these prolonged tough times is key.

Remember, difficult days and hard seasons are not here to stay. But when you’re in the middle of them, treating yourself gently can change everything. Compassion isn’t only for the easy days or when things are going well. Compassion is for when things are messy, uncertain and never easy.

So the next time you find yourself having one of those days, just take a deep breath. The unrealistic nonsense will not be released. Be as kind and loving to yourself as you would someone you care for. Or contact

Paper Birch Therapy if you need extra support. We’re here for you!