Emotional Safety, Privilege, and Mental Health

This was the unexpected conversation I had at my job, working at a hospital today. One old chap said as I walked past, “did you win the lottery? My impulse was “not today, perhaps tomorrow.” (Somewhere around when I got back to my office, it started to sink in.) In some ways, I had hit the lottery. I have the luxury of living relatively safe and privileged here. Though I harp on plenty of the negatives and obstacles, I was born at a time that is one of the most privileged when it comes to looking back through history—I quite possibly have an easier life than 99.9% of other humans on this planet since humanity began.

Considering Privilege and Safety in Today’s World

When you hear the phrase “winning the lottery,” most people envision a lucky person with either millions of dollars, infinite opportunity and/or a life of leisure. But it does another kind of lottery, one that many of us have won without even realizing it: the lottery of having been born at a time and in a place where privilege is abundant and safety is taken for granted.

That’s not a perspective intended to deny or minimize life’s difficulties. Indeed, therapy is often about helping people confront challenges and recover from hurt. But there’s something potent about pausing to consider hidden gifts we’ve been given — the accidents of luck that profoundly influence our lives. As a therapist who specializes in supporting clients through complicated experiences, I know that reckoning with these sides of privilege can be grounding and freeing.

A Certain Time in History

The era in which we live is not like those that preceded it. Enlightenment discoveries, mental-health awareness and social justice have changed our experience of life. Because if you are reading this post, that probably means by now you have access to technology far beyond anything we could have imagined just a few decades ago. It means you live at a time when mental health is entering into the realm of being more normal and less stigmatized, and in which seeking help is considered an act of courage rather than cowardice.

For the many of us who have worked in therapeutic settings, this is seismic. We can provide trauma-informed care, things based in evidence-based practices and actual frameworks for attachment and perinatal mental health from the research. These advances don’t just help those of us trying to provide therapy, but the people who are looking for it. We’ve got a lot at our disposal – online groups, and support systems that didn’t exist in earlier generations.

But beyond that, for those not in the professional world, life in this moment is a comfort: vaccines, clean water and education. Many of us haven’t lived through world wars or plagues to the same degree our ancestors did. That we can even sit back and ponder privilege is a sign that we are free in some measure from the subsistence level of existence.

The Place We Call Home

So too the place we’re born or now make our home. The world is not the same everywhere in terms of safety, political stability and resources. If you have access to clean water, enough food, a safe home and the ability to get medical care when you need it, then this is already the lived reality for billions of people who still struggle for it every single day.

Geographical privilege matters. It’s not just the country you happen to be born in but also the city, the neighborhood and even which family you’re born into. For many of us, this has included access to a good education, opportunities to work and belong in such places that value personal growth and wellness. Although systemic disparities remain, where you are in the world can go a long way toward determining whether you thrive.

The Privilege of Safety

Fear is the opposite of safety, and a privilege that we don’t even notice until it’s taken from us. Feeling physically safe — walking down the street without fear, sleeping soundly at night knowing your basic needs will be met — is a privilege not all have. Then there’s the layer of emotional safety: that you can express yourself, be vulnerable and trust that others will respond with care rather than causing harm.

I see the lasting effects of not being safe, physically or emotionally,” she added referring to the experience of not feeling safe. To have the luxury of safety so people can discover who they are, take chances and develop without living in constant fear.” For those who didn’t have that kind of safety in place early on, therapy can be the space where they begin to construct it for themselves.

The Power of Acknowledgment

Acknowledging privilege is not about guilt; it’s about gratitude and responsibility. It’s about acknowledging that, while we have experienced individual challenges, we have also benefited from broader realities that provide us with a certain level of stability and opportunity. All this can provoke a sense of empathy within us, appreciating that not everyone is as lucky to have won the same lottery.

In therapy, gratitude exercises can assist in the process of rewiring clients’ outlooks. Not that we ignore pain or bypass trauma, but there’s an equity that can be created by taking note of what aspects of life are going well. This is not toxic positivity — it’s a productive practice. Acknowledging privilege can also deepen a person’s sense of purpose: If I’ve been given this foundation, then how do I use it to assist others’ well-being?

Moving Forward with Humility

Winning this lottery does not equate to life without problems. It’s not that we don’t have struggles, pain and work to do. But at least we do have some advantages that can guide us through those travails. Its interesting to consider, and thinking on this can create humility, some empathy, and desire for a more just world.

Whether you are managing career challenges, recovering from trauma or working toward a stronger sense of self, it’s worth taking a pause to consider what in your life helps you thrive. This might be the safety of a house, the company of a friend or the luxury you have to live in an era where it is brave and supported to acquire therapy.

So, yes, I don’t have a winning lottery ticket, in the traditional sense of the word — but I do feel like I’ve won something priceless. And in recognizing that, I experience both gratitude as well as responsibilit